S'now what?.....get it?!? Its a play on "Know What"...

yoyoyo!
It has been awhile since I've written on here...not too much is going on. I'm at home now, and I'm loving it. I've been drunk a lot...and ya know what...I'm enjoying it :D I've been having a fun low-key here...I kicked my sisters' asses at Monopoly tonight...I swear to God...I don't know why people even agree to play with me...I honestly don't lose! But hey...I don't mind the confidence boost of annahilating someone at a board game! :)
We're having a snow storm today...its veryveryvery snowy on the ol E.C. today...I woke up an my window was covered with snow...I was like "what the hell?!?! how long did I sleep?!?!"...it was actually quite humorous. :) hmmm...what else should I say? Relaly not much else is going on here...I always love being a home, but it seems as though my life becomes somewhat useless while I'm here. I'm trying to find a really good job for when I get back to BC...I want to spend my time off of school doing something interesting...working a job that actually gives me the feeling of accomplishment...something I can put on my resumee that's not "waitress" or "photo lab associate". I kind of want to be a secretary...I doubt I'd be qualified for that kind of job because I haven't taken any type of course, but I think I would like working in an office environment. See if it suits me for the rest of my life. Plus, I want to have a job that would guarantee a specific number of hours and a specific paycheck each week. I want to go to Europe SOOO badly this summer...I can not wait!!
Alrighty-roo! I think I'm gonna get going because as I was writing about my secretary dreams all I was thinking of was Europe and now I'm REALLY excited!!! I'm gonna go look at some fun websites! I'll write more later ;)
~Melis

Everything's Coming up Melissa!

So, everything is going according to plan. Melissa is back to her happy go lucky self (not to be confused with the Happy Go Lucky Toy Factory!!) and I go home for Christmas in 2 days!! Can you imagine in 2 days I will be back in the ol' NS for the holidays! Of course, I have some days that I miss him, and I think about him...I think its natural that I would, but I'm getting over it. As I've already mentioned, I can't let it be the focus of my life...and truth be told the only time I really mention it is on this silly little blog! I'm actually pretty busy...I'm doing exams right now, just finished up my crazy essay writting period, I'm still working, I'm trying to get my Christmas shopping finished, AND I can't miss my reality TV shows :) So, all in all....Everything's coming up Melissa....I'm happy. And really...how can I lose...Jen has a personal ad for me on her Blog haha :) (....ummm....not that I'm pushing for responses....but.......http://jdradcliffe.blogspot.com)

So, the big plans for when I go home!! Well, I have a standing engagement to do a lot of Christmas Baking with Anthony, my oh so sweet nephew, Go out with Josh on Saturday, Do lots of shopping with Annajean and Janice, my sisters, and watch lots of movies and eat fruit with Jen, and I have to do crazy things with Shauna. We have a 'but each other really tacky, corny, present' thing going on right now. My idea is SO kick ass...I can't wait to give it to her. Now, I would mention it right now, but I really don't want her to read this and then know what I'm getting her.

But really, its not like tons of people read this Blog...which is really why I feel so comfortable writing so many stupid things on here. And to be perfectly honest...I want to be a writer...I guess I have to get used to people reading my thoughts. I actually want to increase the traffic to this do-hickey...so I've devised a plan that I'll soon be putting into action. 1.) I signed up for that ad thingy from google...and I know you probably hate clicking on ads...I know i do...but please click...I would very much like to turn this into a popular yet profitable venture, and 2.) I have GOT to get a more exciting life!! Now, I've got the ad thingy down...and I'm working on the aquisition of an exciting life ;)

A Lifestyle Change

Ok so I've been doing a lot of thinking recently. The first thing I had to deal with was the removal of a certain someone from my life. That was hard...mostly because I really liked talking to him, I liked joking with him, I liked him. But I think that I kind of let him take over too much. I don't know how or why I do it...but it just seems like I always let him dictate everything, andI know he never did it to be mean and he probably didn't even notice that he did it...But i think I need to be with someone who is going to accept me and love me for everything about me. Not just the things he likes, and the things he feels he can change, and disregard the rest. I've been feelings like 'Never is a Promise' bu Fiona Apple should be my theme song; its about hiding certain things about yourself from someone because they will never understand or accept them.

You'll never live the life that I live I'll never live the life
that wakes me in the night You'll never hear the message I give You'll say it
looks as though I might give up this fight But as the scenery grows, I see in
different lights The shades and shadows undulate in my perception My feelings
swell and stretch, I see from greater heights I realize what I am now too smart
to mention - to you You'll say you understand, you'll never understand I'll say
I'll never wake up knowing how or why I don't know what to believe in, you don't
know who I am You'll say I need appeasing when I start to cry But never is a
promise and I'll never need a lie

Aside from missing his presence in my life, I've really been ok. I cried that night, a lot (!!!), but since I've been ok. I think I've sortof been waiting for this for awhile, so I dealt with it a couple months ago. The next realtionship that Melissa O'Neil gets into will be a good one. It will be with someone who has the same thoughts about relationships as I have, someone who is open to the fact that its ok if I don't like all the same things as him, someone who accepts my differences and doesn't try to force change upon me. But I'm definatly going into my next relationship with my eyes open...I'm definatly a little bit more jaded and cynical. But hey, everyday I'm learning about the type of person I want to be with...I know who I am, and I want to be with someone who knows me too.

Heartbreak

It seems as though everytime I get involved with you, I get my heart trampled on. And, to be perfectly honest, I don't know how to stop the hurt. And its so final now, because this is it. You can ask me how I know its over and how do I know that I won't want to be friends later on...oh...I know. I've always watched movies and felt a little bad for the geeky person who just doesn't get that their love isn't mutual, but whenever you come into the picture I turn into that person. The only way I can protect myself from that is to keep you out of my life completely. I know you do love me...but I also know that you won't live with it. And in your rejection of that love, you are rejecting me from your life. I can't be your friend...I can be friends with my other ex's because they are not you. No one is you, and essentially that is my problem. Unfortunally, its always been you. And someday in the not so far future, I think you will miss me again...and you will want to call me again...but don't. This is your decision. You made it before and I forgave you...I didn't want to, but you were persistent and you made me...but this time, don't call me. You know I would have waited for you. I was willing to wait, to be friends, in hopes of the day things would work out, but this is your decision and you have chosen to dismiss that. For the record, I think this is a huge mistake....this time there is no take-backs....You've chosen. And I'll respect your choice...I just hope you can live with it later. For the last time, I love you...I always have...and I'll miss you too. I really do wish you happiness and success. I know you will succeed. I don't know if you'll think to look on here...I kinda hope you don't...because this is more so for me...well...maybe a little for you too. So...just keep breathing...