A Lifestyle Change

Ok so I've been doing a lot of thinking recently. The first thing I had to deal with was the removal of a certain someone from my life. That was hard...mostly because I really liked talking to him, I liked joking with him, I liked him. But I think that I kind of let him take over too much. I don't know how or why I do it...but it just seems like I always let him dictate everything, andI know he never did it to be mean and he probably didn't even notice that he did it...But i think I need to be with someone who is going to accept me and love me for everything about me. Not just the things he likes, and the things he feels he can change, and disregard the rest. I've been feelings like 'Never is a Promise' bu Fiona Apple should be my theme song; its about hiding certain things about yourself from someone because they will never understand or accept them.

You'll never live the life that I live I'll never live the life
that wakes me in the night You'll never hear the message I give You'll say it
looks as though I might give up this fight But as the scenery grows, I see in
different lights The shades and shadows undulate in my perception My feelings
swell and stretch, I see from greater heights I realize what I am now too smart
to mention - to you You'll say you understand, you'll never understand I'll say
I'll never wake up knowing how or why I don't know what to believe in, you don't
know who I am You'll say I need appeasing when I start to cry But never is a
promise and I'll never need a lie

Aside from missing his presence in my life, I've really been ok. I cried that night, a lot (!!!), but since I've been ok. I think I've sortof been waiting for this for awhile, so I dealt with it a couple months ago. The next realtionship that Melissa O'Neil gets into will be a good one. It will be with someone who has the same thoughts about relationships as I have, someone who is open to the fact that its ok if I don't like all the same things as him, someone who accepts my differences and doesn't try to force change upon me. But I'm definatly going into my next relationship with my eyes open...I'm definatly a little bit more jaded and cynical. But hey, everyday I'm learning about the type of person I want to be with...I know who I am, and I want to be with someone who knows me too.