I don't know why it bothers me

I don't know, to me friendships can only grow stronger by sharing things about yourself and letting your friends into your life. I don't know why I become so upset when I find out that the people who I think are my closest friends here keep things back. I don't know. I mean, I don't need to know every aspect about their lives, I don't expect them to run every decision by me first, but it just hurts when I find out that basic things are kept back. Or when someone else knows the information, but they never thought to tell me. This seems so elementary to feel this way. I think I do because I share everything; I can't help but share everything. I become tight with people very quickly and become comfortable with them very quickly, so of course I'm going to share. But...what about those people who aren't new to me? Those people who seem to tell me all the important things, those people who use me when they need a sounding board or someone just to listen to them? You can't just use a person to tell them the things that are pissing you off or bothering you, and then disregard them with other information. That's not how friendship works.

I don't know why it bothers me. I don't know why I let it drive me nuts. I don't know why it makes me feel so alone; like I'm all alone here. It makes me feel like I should start holding myself back from people and not sharing my life. And I hate that feeling. I hate doubting all the people who I have come to love. How can I not doubt though...how can you trust anyone to give you the whole truth? Why can't people just be who they are, and be who they say? Why is this all happening at once? I mean...three people...three of my close people...I'm begging you...if anyone else does this, let me know now. let me get over it all at once.

Just a rant, just licking some wounds, just trying to come to terms with a changing view of my world.